The Tic-Toc Song

(from the CD Stark Raving Songs)

I wish I was a grenadier guardsman
I wish I was Genghis Khan
The final infinite moment
Of somebody's five year plan
I wish I was the Holy Bible
I want to be revered and read
I wish I was a hippy girl stripping onstage
For the guys in the Grateful Dead.

I wish I was Marlon Brando
I wish I was a Cuban spy
Or at least the proverbial apple
Of someone's proverbial eye
I wish I was a Balinese dancing girl
On a piece of Lebanese bread
I wish I was the closing moments of
The Night of the Living Dead.

I wish I was Frank Sinatra
Or Cranky Frankie's wife
Or a snap from the Chairman's scrapbook
Of Old Blue Eyes sinful life
The patron saint of the Universe
With a nymphet in my bed
Or Norman Mailer getting his check
For the Naked and the Dead.

Tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc
Life is like a Lockwood lock
Tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc
Life is like a mental block
Tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc
Like a cruel cuckoo clock
Tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc, tic-toc
Life has ways to make you toc
Toc, toc, toc, toc.

I wish I was a famous product
On a supermarket shelf
Anything to save me the bother
Of having to define myself
I wish I was a Buddha made of ice
And painted a brilliant red
Melting in the sunshine on
The Mexican Day of the Dead.

I wish I was a big time mover
I wish I was a giant wheel
I wish I was the final dealer
Dealing the final deal
I wish I was the dream I love to dream
And the dream I love to dread
I wish I was on the cover of
The Tibetan Book of the Dead.