Song and Dance Routine

(from the CD Stark Raving Songs)

I used to be a gentle child
But I grew up into a batman
But I drank milk instead of blood
And I turned into a catman
All the dogs were after me
So I became the phantom
And then one day I laid an egg
I turned into a bantam
All I ever got from Farmer Brown
Was the screaming heebeegeebees
So I moved to New York City and
I got a job singing songs at CBGBs.

Do a song and dance routine
Do anything but keep the act clean
Do the jinga jinga do the jowny jown
Do anything but don't pull your pants down.

I used to be a seaman once
But I got sick of all the water
And so I moved onto dry land
Like every sailor ought to
On the land I met a girl
The rich landowner's daughter
And she was always kissing frogs
And this is how I caught her:
I turned myself into a frog
Dressed up like a hotel porter
She kissed me and the prince I became
Took out his purse and bought her.

Do a song and dance routine
Do anything but keep the act clean
Do the boogey boogey, do the boney bone
Do anything but don't bite the microphone.

I used to sing about the world
But it became so tiring
So then I sang instruction songs
On how to fix the wiring
I sabotaged a power plant
I ran away to write a poetry
But the landowner put a spell on me
And I turned into Gene Autrey
I rode across the movie screen
In all the cowboy capers
And my advice to Indians is
Don't see the movies; read the papers.

Do a song and dance routine
Do anything but keep the act clean
Do the pingy pongy, Do the pouty pout
Do anything but don't pull your poetry out.